Date is 12/31/2005
Tonight is the very last night that me and my roommate is ganna spend the time in this apartment in Brooklyn NY.
I feel kind of sad about leaving this place more than expectations for my future life in NYC. I already have an new apt and roommates in Queens but I would rather spend time in this studio apt. This room has some memories and flavors that we made in our 5 months. Maybe this feeling is for the roommate more than for this place... I don't know. yhea maybe so I think.
She is not my type of girl and she is not so cute I honestly feel. So why do I feel sad about this ?? well... I really don't know. Our relationships are not lovers but more than regular friendship. All I regret is the time that I pretended like love player. I've been keep telling her that I wanna get hot nicebody white chick as my girlfriend. I don7t think it was a lie but I probabuly didn't have to tell that to her. When she asked some questions about the love I am looking for my evil emotion made me say like I'm not interested in you we are not ganna be lovers don't worry. That kind of message also made her pretender. I said something I didn't have to say to the girl that I am living with. I killed all the potential that we are ganna be lovers. Now I think that she could be more girly and nicer to me depend on the words I say. She gave me all the options first but I choose everyhting to keep being friends by words and hidden messages.
For sure I probabuly couldn't say I love you to her but now I still have something that I expect to her to be. I don't know what it is... I really don't.
I believe that I've been spending all the moment with honestly. Even though it might be too honest that is how I've felt. There are type of girls who rely thier life up to what guys says. Those girls always keep their options open for the guys. So men have to take some kind of actions if they are looking for to build their relationships. She was that kind of girl and I was a man who didn't know what to do and what to say always.
My theory is Don't take actions or say strong words unless I made my mind. I don't wanna be a lier or be hated after the relationship because I couldn't keep the promise. I feel responsibilities for the girlfriend. If I've got a girl I should take care of her fully. That's my belief.
Right now I am still up at 3:40 at the morning and kind of waiting her to come bake home. I still don't know what to say for the each moment and how to behave. This is the very very last night. The very last night we sleep in the same room but probabuly in the different beds.
Tonight is the very last night that me and my roommate is ganna spend the time in this apartment in Brooklyn NY.
I feel kind of sad about leaving this place more than expectations for my future life in NYC. I already have an new apt and roommates in Queens but I would rather spend time in this studio apt. This room has some memories and flavors that we made in our 5 months. Maybe this feeling is for the roommate more than for this place... I don't know. yhea maybe so I think.
She is not my type of girl and she is not so cute I honestly feel. So why do I feel sad about this ?? well... I really don't know. Our relationships are not lovers but more than regular friendship. All I regret is the time that I pretended like love player. I've been keep telling her that I wanna get hot nicebody white chick as my girlfriend. I don7t think it was a lie but I probabuly didn't have to tell that to her. When she asked some questions about the love I am looking for my evil emotion made me say like I'm not interested in you we are not ganna be lovers don't worry. That kind of message also made her pretender. I said something I didn't have to say to the girl that I am living with. I killed all the potential that we are ganna be lovers. Now I think that she could be more girly and nicer to me depend on the words I say. She gave me all the options first but I choose everyhting to keep being friends by words and hidden messages.
For sure I probabuly couldn't say I love you to her but now I still have something that I expect to her to be. I don't know what it is... I really don't.
I believe that I've been spending all the moment with honestly. Even though it might be too honest that is how I've felt. There are type of girls who rely thier life up to what guys says. Those girls always keep their options open for the guys. So men have to take some kind of actions if they are looking for to build their relationships. She was that kind of girl and I was a man who didn't know what to do and what to say always.
My theory is Don't take actions or say strong words unless I made my mind. I don't wanna be a lier or be hated after the relationship because I couldn't keep the promise. I feel responsibilities for the girlfriend. If I've got a girl I should take care of her fully. That's my belief.
Right now I am still up at 3:40 at the morning and kind of waiting her to come bake home. I still don't know what to say for the each moment and how to behave. This is the very very last night. The very last night we sleep in the same room but probabuly in the different beds.